I remember being a brand-new massage therapist—those first clients who are complete strangers, and all the feelings that suddenly come up. Am I good enough? Do I know enough? But actually, my inner voice was a lot less confident: You don’t know enough. They can tell you’re brand new. You don’t even remember what muscle you’re touching. Anxiety spread like wildfire. So I went down the path many therapists go: do more. Use all your tools. Push harder. Grind down the taut bands.

There’s a phenomenon in the human nervous system called co-regulation. This means that when a distressed and dysregulated nervous system is near a regulated one, it can learn how to regulate more quickly. Practically, this looks like the moment when you’re breaking down, and your calm friend simply holds space for you. This is the power behind talk therapy. Often, it’s less about the words and more about learning to discuss distressing events while finding safety within yours